Relationships - II : The New Avatar

Continued from the previous post: An individual’s self concept that is defined as the ‘sense of me’ is vulnerable to change. Usually partners, over the time they are together, develop shared friends, activities and even sometimes overlapping self-concepts. When ideals, principles or activities of your partner seems good and not come in a way to change your founding concepts and personality, there is no harm in imbibing them with you; but if you find them against your ideologies, just tell them your feelings and even dissuade them in doing them. In doing so, you yourself might change. It is this sense of ‘loosing me’ that hurts one more that leads to emotional distress post break-up.

The way in which the breakup happens also affects one and it shatters the person if the partner is cruel or unfaithful. It makes one unable to trust anyone for a longtime. One has to relieve the existential fear of being alone or else their deepest un-healed issue of ‘no one loves me’ can surface, and for some a plain simple sense of lack of confidence in ‘I am not good enough’ comes alive. So, one has to deal with the distress that should eventually lead to Introspection. I believe that being in distress is good for one as long as it is for a limited duration; for it is in those situations we discover ourselves truly, the mistakes committed and their reasons. One should develop the courage to accept one’s mistakes and faults before throwing the blame on others. This introspection helps us to come out in a new avatar with energy to face any challenge. It eventually make one ready for a new relationship; remember “Anyone can start, but only the thorough bred will finish it successfully.”

There are individuals who cannot deal with this distress and go into oblivion and tend to go into a shell. They fear to enter any new relationship in the future and start to live alone, assuring themselves that they are not fit for it and they had enough of it. Nothing is so firmly believed as what one least knows. So, in order to deal with the distress of a breakup, one needs a very strong support system. A support system includes friends; social meetings, career or physical workout. Just give some time for “Time is a master worker that heals the wounds of temporary defeat, and equalizes the inequalities and rights the wrongs of the world.”

Every situation is an opportunity to heal only if you allow it. Just work on loving yourself and build your self esteem by bringing back to life your Identity, about which I discussed in one of my previous posts. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you. Loving yourself leaves you with no rivals as you indulge in yourself so much that you loose the ability to compare with others.

Also, some may tend to run into a rebound relationship as a source of comfort and a way of temporarily blotting out painful feelings and memories, while some become Gamophobic. It is for this reason, I think that the concept of Marriage is invented that helps one to come out of all the emotional distress and start a new relationship. After all, every notion can change with circumstances and time. It’s just that we have to give it a chance and leave it free so that a durable, indestructible and invulnerable relationship builds up. No feeling is either congenital or posthumous, and change is imminent.

Throw yourself out of the notion that all human beings are alike and all relationships end in the same way. How stupid and irrational it would be to think that all human beings or individuals of opposite sex are the same? The best way out of a difficulty is through it. The greatest glory is not in never falling; but in rising every time we fall. Love, beauty and joy are forever building, tearing down and rebuilding the foundation of each man’s soul.

My advice is, “Get into a Relationship: If you find a good partner, you will be happy; if not, find another one.”

With valuable inputs from Diwakar.